7 food items that give me the same feeling of Joe Biden
Wow, Joe Biden will be the next president of the United States! It’s so exciting that we finally will have a…um…I guess a white old guy in the white house? Well, I mean, he’s a breath of new fresh air because he’s incredibly old. So bring on the diversity!
It’s going to be so iconic to have someone as our leader who has incredible policies like…like…well there’s something about COVID in there, for sure. And we can all agree that this guy isn’t Trump (are we united enough as a country to agree that Joe Biden isn’t Trump in a trenchcoat?)
I feel meh about Biden. I feel “sure, I guess” about him. I feel “well it’s better than the alternative so, okay fine”.
So here are 7 food items that give me the same feelings that I feel about Joe Biden
1. Pop tarts with no icing on them
My dad used to come home from the grocery store announcing that he had bought pop tarts and when I came downstairs to find out that they were the kind with no frosting on them it gave me enough of a disappointed feeling that 19 years later I’m writing a blog post about it.
Eventually you get over the disappointment and you’re like…well I guess they’re technically still pop tarts. I mean…it’s not a dessert but it’s better than a carrot or something. So you shrug and eat it. Which is how I felt rooting for Biden. Just shrug and do it because he’s better than a piece of celery.
Biden Similarity: 9/10
2. Zoodles, or any vegetable that pretends to be pasta
Zoodles. Spagetti squash. Root vegetables pretending to be noodles. I don’t like it, but I do like being healthy and skinny so I eat this dish with a sad look on my face and try to tell myself that it’s delicious even though I know it is certainly not.
Joe Biden is zoodles. Trump is fettuccini alfredo that clogs your arteries.
And Jo Jorgensen is garlic bread - but that’s a whole other blog post.
Biden Similarity: 7/10
3. That shortbread Girl Scout cookie
If someone asked you what your favorite Girl Scout cookie is, you would not list the Shortbread cookie. There is not a person in this world who would say the Shortbread cookie is their favorite.
But yet, when someone says that the Shortbread cookie is bad, you find yourself defending it. Well, it’s not bad. It’s just that so many other cookies are better! But I don’t hate it!!
Joe Biden is the shortbread cookie. Bernie Sanders is the thin mint. Pete Buttigieg is a caramel deLite. Is this making just as much sense to anyone else?! I feel like I’ve reached Nirvana with these comparisons.
Biden Similarity: 10/10
4. Twizzlers
I guess Twizzlers technically count as candy, but my god do they really?? No one will trade candy with you after Halloween if all you have to offer is Twizzlers.
But by the same token, if you go to visit grandma and the only candy she has are Twizzlers, you’ll begrudgingly eat them. This candy just reminds me of Biden so hard, I really hope I’m not alone in this one.
Biden Similarity: 7/10
5. Mr. Pib or any off brand sofa
You’re at the diner and you ask for a soda, a real soda like Coke or Root Beer. They say they have it. You’re happy. Then they confess they don’t actually have it. They have the off brand version, like Mr. Pib.
Fine. Good enough. I guess it will do.
In the venn diagram of “how I responded to the waiter” and “how I felt when I heard Biden will be our President” those are phrases that work for both.
Biden Similarity: 6/10
6. An apple wrapped in saran wrap at the Continental Breakfast
You’re staying in a hotel and pass the Continental Breakfast on your way to check out in the morning. You’ve got a long day of traveling in front of you and just enough time to grab one item, so it’s…an apple wrapped in Saran Wrap. You’re trying to be healthy and this is the only healthy option at the continental breakfast. You’re glad there’s one healthy option but…you’re not psyched about it.
Joe Biden is also a healthy option that I’m not psyched about.
Biden Similarity: 4/10
7. The butt end of bread
When there’s a whole load of bread available, everyone makes fun of the butt end of bread. No one wants it!
But when the butt ends of bread are the only thing left, suddenly you find hands reaching for them. This reminds me distinctly of the 2020 election. It’s almost exactly like the 2020 election.
Biden Similarity: 9/10
Please let me know in the comments which other food items remind you of Joe Biden. Basically, think of your favorite food, and then imagine what you would have if it wasn’t available. Third place food.
I hope this blog post enlightened you, and made you a better person!!! Important stuff in here!!
Until the next one,
S