Keeping things casual keeps you from getting laid | Unpopular Opinion
Welcome back to my Unpopular Opinion series. Things were getting a bit too normal around here and I’m looking to stir the pot by reviving this series!
Let’s get into today’s post, which is a strong belief I have that (most) men in the modern day world are a) terrified of commitment and b) just want to sleep with women so they c) keep things insanely casual and low-key and this d) causes them to not get laid. Allow me to explain.
It’s commonly understood that men and women don’t get each other. Men think more logically, and women think more emotionally. One of my favorite articles to describe this (in a super candid way) is “6 Ways Romance for Women Is Like Oral Sex for Men”.
You have to give it a read, but the points in the article are dead on. Men don’t want a half-hearted blowjob, they want a woman who wants to give them head. And women don’t want to remind you about Valentine’s Day, they want you to want to take them out for a special night.
And if there’s anything that my girlfriends and I can agree on - it’s that we hate it when plans are half-assed.
Phrases like “we can play it by ear” or “we’ll figure it out” are enough to make me cancel a date entirely. Even my most casual of girlfriends absolutely detest it when a guy fails to plan a first date and instead says something like “we’ll figure it out”
Now, I understand why most men do this. They’re only looking for casual sex (shocker, haha) so they’re not willing to put that much effort into planning a date.
But what men don’t understand, is that making a plan for a date is what makes a woman want to have sex with you. If you “play it by ear” you’re treating her like a friend which makes her distinctly not turned on.
First things first, you should always make a reservation for a date. Or if you’re going to a place that doesn’t accept reservations - show up a bit early to grab a spot before your date arrives.
I know some guys out there might just say they want to keep it casual, and not make a reservation because they’re looking for a fling and “don’t want a lady to get the wrong idea”
To that - I say, you’re being an idiot.
If you want a woman to sleep with you on the first date (fling-like material) that just means you need to be extra charming on the date. Not less charming.
No woman on earth has ever said "hmm, I wasn’t going to sleep with him on the first date, but since he split the bill and told me he doesn’t want to settle down, and picked a cheap dive bar for us to go to…I guess I will sleep with him now!”
You putting out “casual” vibes in the attempt to have a one-night stand is actually back-firing on you.
If you made a reservation to a cocktail bar, and pulled out a woman’s chair and walked her home…I mean, chivalry has been around for ages for a reason. Men have always wanted to get laid throughout history haha.
Think of that scene from Crazy, Stupid Love when Ryan Gosling hits on Emma Stone at the bar.
Is he proposing a one night stand? Yes.
But there’s nothing casual about him. He offers to buy her a drink at an expensive bar, engages with her friend, and suggests that they’ll have an incredible night together. It’s confident, self-assured, and honestly super compelling. (Also him being Ryan Gosling helps haha)
But it’s that energy of “this guy is a class act” that makes a woman want to sleep with Ryan Gosling in that moment. He isn’t telling Emma Stone “hey I’m not looking for anything serious but maybe you could come back to my place after this” instead he’s pulling out her chair, and confidently stating exactly what he wants.
So if I could stress any advice to men - it’s to not be casual, and to have a plan.
Even if your “plan” is to hit it and quit it - put effort into that plan. Make a reservation. Be steadfast in what you want. Be prepared. But please, for the love of god, do not text “we’ll play it by ear”
Until the next one,
S