5 things USPS centers should do to change their energy and seem chiller
Never have I ever….walked out of a USPS center happy. Drink!
There’s something incredible about the United States Postal Service centers. They are horrible places where all hope goes to die and I’m fascinated by how they can be so exquisitely awful. I’m half-convinced the government confused their plans for Guantanamo Bay with the USPS, and somewhere in Cuba a bunch of prisoners are in a customer-friendly jail and we’re stuck with hellish USPS centers in America.
At any rate, the USPS centers in America are dreary and they need to change their energy stat. Here are 5 suggestions I have for how the USPS can change their energy to give off a more cool vibe.
1. Sage the place, damn
Now I’m well aware of how much I pay in taxes, so I know damn well that the United States can afford some sage for the post office. If each USPS employee took turns coming into work 15 minutes early before opening, and walking around the center with some smoking sage, I think it would give off a much chill vibe before opening.
Which - by the way - is 10am. The USPS opens by me at 10am. Even though the rest of America is working from 9-5, their hours are 10am-5:30pm. So you have exactly 30 minutes each day to use their hellish center. MOVING ON!
2. Put rose quartz crystals in each corner of the store
Rose quartz is technically the crystal meant for healing the heart chakra and bringing love into your life…but since there wasn’t a crystal option available for soothing disgruntled government employees, this was my closest option.
If the USPS bought some rose quartz crystals (and while we’re at it, let’s have them be bought locally for extra good karma) and placed them in each corner of their store, I think it could really add some good mojo to the place. People might fall in love! Or at the very least, be treated with human decency as they try to mail a package across the country.
3. Hang up some dreamcatchers in the entrance
Sure it’s cultural appropriation, but isn’t appropriating Native American culture everything that the USPS is all about? It’s on brand, okay? I didn’t say it was right. I just said it would make sense. And they should do it.
Stick a few of these bad boys in the entrance doorway of the USPS, and customers will definitely feel a sense of peace and calm as they enter the place.
4. Play some nature noises through the speakers, or ocean sounds or something
Personally, I’d advocate for a person in every USPS playing a Tibetan singing bowl, but this is a more reasonable suggestion. If relaxing ocean sounds played throughout a USPS, I guarantee everyone would be happier. I might actually enjoy standing in line for 20 minutes as I wait to buy a stupid roll of forever stamps.
5. End the counter transactions with a solemn “Namaste”
Currently, all USPS counter transactions end with bad mojo. Even the simplest act at a USPS counter takes upwards of 10 minutes, and by the time a transaction is finished you find yourself bewilderingly emotionally drained. And so is the person across from you! No one ever leaves happy!
To combat this, I suggest each person offers the other a peaceful “Namaste” before leaving. It couldn’t hurt, right??
The time for change is now and I believe that we can make a difference! If enough of us get on board with this concept, I truly think we can be the generation that changes USPS for the better. I would suggest we print out this blog post and mail it to them as a suggestion but…let’s be honest, they sometimes lose things in the mail, don’t they? God, I hate USPS.
Until the next one,
S