Tips from Area 51: How to Get Men to Enter *You*

Jennifer Lopez looks amazing at age 50, and Alexis Ren has the waistline of a literal barbie doll - but is anyone more desired than Area 51? Ladies, I think not.

When we take it down to brass tacks, facts and figures, nobody gets men more revved up than Area 51. Now don't call Area 51 "a giant enormous stupid slut" and ignore her out of jealousy! There are many important lessons that we can learn from Area 51.

So without further adieu, here are some tips we can all take from Area 51 on how to get men to storm our secret areas.

1. Play Hard To Get

How fun is it to walk into Walmart and Target? Not fun at all. Those are places that have their doors literally open to anyone and everyone - such a turn off! Some of them even have automatic doors that open for you. Talk about not putting in any effort!

Area 51 is incredibly desirable because it is truly hard to enter! And it’s not just pretending that it’s hard to enter, it’s actually guarded by armed forces who will shoot to kill on sight.

So just remember when he texts you and you’re about to respond right away…are you being too much of a Walmart? Soup kitchen? Homeless shelter? Take it down a few notches, honey.

2. Let only a few people in

It’s such a tantalizing idea for men to storm Area 51 because it’s hard, but not impossible. The employees who work there get to enter Area 51 every day (or at least, Monday - Friday) so you know that it can happen.

This sets up a great challenge for men - to explore something that only few people have explored before, but is still hard to get to. This is also related to why men are obsessed with going to Mars, as well as trying to have anal sex with you.

So make sure that you aren’t a total prude around your man (aka bottom of the ocean floor that no one wants to touch or spend research money on).

3. Let them come to you

A man should always pick up the tab for the first date! It’s also a good sign when he cancels his plans to attend his family reunion, books a plane ticket to Nevada, and rents a car to drive out to you and then tries to enter you. That shows that he’s really interested.

After all, did you see Area 51 texting the man first? Did Area 51 take an Uber to his house at 11PM on a weekday night? I don’t think so! (Ladies, this is where you take notes).

4. Get active on social media

No one really even thought of storming Area 51 until the Facebook event was created. You can use this in your own life!

Making a Facebook event called “come enter me” or “raid my secret area” or “try to see how far in you can get before I have you escorted off the premises” will let men know that you are open for business (but, like I mentioned in #1, still not easily open).

5. Reserve psychology: Have the government tell people to not penetrate you

The US Government issued a warning to everyone attending the Area 51 event that they should not, under any circumstances, try to storm Area 51.

And yet, men still showed up and tried to enter!

This is super easy to apply to yourself. Just get congress to put out a national message saying “You are hereby forbidden to enter (your name)’s vagina, and if you do then you will be prosecuted to the full extent of the law".

Then just sit back, and wait. They’ll come.

6. Tell men there’s a secret prize in your pussy

This tip is a great subtle way to get people interested in seeing what you’re really made of!

Everyone wanted to raid Area 51 to see what was inside. They just didn’t know what was in there! But they guessed that it was something really cool.

Make your vagina have the same allure. Whisper to men, “there might be a PS4 in my pants” or “I think ESPN is somewhere in my asshole” just little clues like that to show that there is something inside of you that they really like. Soon enough they’ll get curious and want to go exploring.

So ladies, there you have it. If you’ve been sitting at home, angrily stalking photos of Area 51 and wondering what does that highly classified United States Air Force base have that I don’t - know you now.

Feel free to use any of these tips in your daily life, and send me comments of your Area 51 success stories!

Ciao for now,

Shannon McNamaraComment