The right (and wrong) way to pick up a girl on the street
Have you ever been approached by someone on the street? I’m not talking about people from Greenpeace that look like they’re hitting on you until you see the clipboard in their hands. I’m talking about being authentically approached in person by someone.
Last week, while heading from work to meet a friend at the Boat Basin Cafe, I was approached by a guy on the street. I had my airpods in, but he came up on my side and we started talking.
Now, before I go into the reasons why some of this interaction was good, and some of it was bad, I’m first going to touch on which interactions fell in which category.
He started the conversation by saying that he saw me walking, thought I was cute and wanted to introduce himself (good). He then laughed and said that this was ‘real-life Tinder’ (okay). We walked together for a bit, and he said that he worked in this area (good) and then went on for a bit to talk about why he was walking, how he runs marathons, but right now it’s too hot to run, and other stuff (bad). I gave him my card, and told him to reach out, and he kept continuing the conversation (bad). Before we parted, he said a couple of times that I “impressed him” and “made a good impression” (bad). Later that night, he reached out (good) on both text message and Whatsapp (bad) and in his message, included his Instagram handle (bad).
Now let’s go into detail on what it takes to make an in-person approach on the street good, and what makes it bad.
Here’s how to best approach women while out in public:
1. Keep it short and simple
The daydream of meeting someone on the street, finding instant attraction and heading into a nearby restaurant for a spontaneous romance is a great one. But the odds of this actually happening are very rare.
Most of the time, people aren’t on the street just for fun - they’re going somewhere. Approach them with some form of an elevator pitch: introduce yourself, give a compliment, and say that you would love to take them out.
There’s no need to ask a lot of questions or start a deep conversation. Odds are, this will put the person off because you’re now holding them up from getting to where they need to go. So keep the interaction to under a minute, if possible.
2. Don’t spend a lot of time talking about what is happening
A simple “Hey, I don’t normally do this, but I had to introduce myself” or “Hey, I just had to say hello” is perfect. There’s no need to double down on why you approached them, what went through your head before you came up, or ask them if this whole situation is weird or not. Just don’t even mention it!
Focus on getting in, saying your piece, and then leaving. It’s kind of like the rule of “it’s not awkward if we don’t make it awkward” so stick to that!
3. Wait a few hours to text, but no longer than a day
The guy who approached me did this perfectly! We met around 5:30pm, and he texted later that night at 9:00pm.
If you text them right after meeting them, like I said, they’re on their way to a destination! They’ll probably glance at their phone but not have time to respond.
And if you text them the next day, they’ll definitely have forgotten what you look like because - hopefully - you only spoke to them for less than a few minutes.
Golden rule: 3 to 5 hours after you met them.
4. Don’t mention your social media
Just…don’t. This honestly is my general rule for almost everything involve face-to-face interaction. At the very least, wait 24 hours to mention any of your social profiles.
Mentioning your social media in person is the equivalent of matching with someone on a dating app and having them message you with “Hey! I’m not on here that often, so follow me at @kittylick345”. It immediately puts the thought into your mind of well shit, this person is just looking for an extra follower.
It just sounds cheap, and weird, and if you started off the conversation with an incredible in-person, non screen-related act...why follow it up with social media crap?
5. Don’t try and turn the tables on her
Honestly the main reason I ended up blocking the guy who approached me on the street was because of what he said at the end of our conversation. “Wow, you really impressed me,” and “I have to say, you made a really good impression.”
Okay, look. I was walking to the subway. I had my airpods in. I really wasn’t trying to impress you. If anything, you came up to me with the sole purpose of getting my number. It just felt gaslighty, you know?
Maybe it’s a personal pet peeve, but when a guy talks to a girl and then says something like “wow, you’re actually so interesting” or “I didn’t expect you to be this cool,” it bothers me off. It’s 100% a pick-up artist move and I’m just not here for it.
If you’re going up to a girl and making a move, own it! Be confident about it! Confidence is sexy.
Phew, there we go! Every chance you leave your apartment is a chance you might find some blog material.
Oh, and if you were wondering, the business card I gave him was for this blog because I don’t have cards for work.
So, he definitely has this URL. And might see this. So, street guy: If you’re reading - I’m sorry! Just call me a bitch and say that I’m fat and you’re better off not hearing from me or something haha.
But for anyone else who is reading this, stick to the rules when approaching a woman! Keep it short, keep it cool, text her a few hours later, and don’t try and plug your Instagram…or turn the tables and tell her that she did a good job getting your attention.
Until the next one,