Men Love Bitches (and so do I)
I’m not very proud to admit this, but it needs to be said in order to set up today’s blog post.
A couple of weeks ago, I paid around $5 to download a role-playing dating game. Okay, there, I said it.
The game was called HuniePop. In the game, you are coached on dating by an anime fairy, and then released into this cartoon world to hit on women, answer questions correctly, take them on dates, give them gifts and try to woo them. There are about 6 or so different girls that you get to try and romance.
Anyway, I guess I’m secretly a horny 15-year-old boy in the body of a 26-year-old female, but I fucking love these games. I don’t know why.
All I know is that a couple of weeks ago, I took a night to myself, downloaded this game, and played it for like, four hours straight.
There are a bunch of different types of girls in this game that you can woo: a MILF, a schoolgirl, a girl super into working out, a nerdy girl, etc.
And as I met these characters in the game and started talking to them, I realized that I really wanted to win over Aiko, and Audrey. I also found that I really, really didn’t like the girls who were too nice - the ones who were always excited to see me, or giddy about my character taking them out on dates.
When I asked a girl out on a date, and she responded with: “Aw, really? Thank you! I can’t wait!” I found myself strangely enough annoyed and bored.
But when I asked a different girl out on a date and she responded with: “Sure, why not? If you’re paying!” I found myself amused and interested.
Am I overthinking the virtual game HuniePop that’s designed for horny teenagers? Of course I am. That’s my whole schtick. But stay with me here.
So I kept playing for an hour or so, ignoring the overly nice girls and focusing on Aiko - who arguably is the best girl in the game.
Here are some of her go to phrases:
Great, you can entertain me. Soooooooo bored.
Hey hot stuff
You're still prowling around?
Hey there! You're still out? Isn't it past your curfew?
Responses to giving gifts/food
Alright. I’ll admit it. You did good.
You stupid jerk… I love it!
I’m pretty fuckin’ irritable when I’m hungry…
Responses when leaving
Try to keep those dreams about me under control tonight, ok?
Responses when accepting alcohol
Fuck yeah. This ought to make things fun.
That was a pussy drink! Hit me with something stronger!
Responses after completing a date
Not bad! I'll have to let you take me out again sometime.
About time a man/woman who knows what he's/she's doing shows up in my life.
Responses when accepting a date
Yeah, alright. Why not?
You know what? Anything is funner than hanging around here. Let’s go!
Hey, as long as you’re paying!
Sure! I suppose you’ve earned it.
Can’t really argue with that. Take me somewhere nice!
Also the voice actor has an incredibly alluring voice, which helps, but in seeing all of these responses and hearing them while playing, I couldn’t help but realize that I give the complete opposite responses to people I’m dating.
I’m a lot more like Tiffany in the game, who is excitable, enthusiastic, uses a lot of exclamation marks in everything she says, and constantly gives words of affirmation and affection to the main player.
But when I was playing, I couldn’t fucking stand Tiffany. I found her boring, and felt like there was no challenge or mystery with her. Why bother trying to woo her when she was so easily woo-able, you know?
So I finished playing the game, went to bed at around midnight, and had some…unique and sexually charged dreams…and then woke up. It felt like nothing had changed.
Until I was FaceTiming with Bridget this past Friday, and helping her craft some texts to the guy she’s currently seeing.
He had asked her out on a date, and she suggested writing back: Awesome, sounds great! Just tell me where to meet you and I’ll be there.
“Noooooo,” I had said, lazily rolling over on my bed with my phone clutched in my hand.
“What?” Bridget said, “Why not that?”
“Just say, ‘See you then’ to him,” I insisted. “He’ll tell you the location on his own, don’t ask for it.”
And I didn’t realize it, but I was subconsciously turning a Tiffany sentence into an Aiko one.
My friend Clara posted a photo on Instagram a few months back, posing with the book “Why Men Love Bitches,” and the title caught my eye.
Huh, men love bitches?
As a woman, you hear a variety of advice and preferences from different men over the years.
Be flirty. But don’t come on too strong. Don’t play hard to get, but also don’t be too available. Be interested in sex, but don’t be slutty. Reach for the check. Pay for the check. Don’t pay for the check. Look nice. Just wear what makes you comfortable. Be feminine and gentle. But don’t be a pushover. But don’t be bitchy, just be smart and independent without being bitchy.
It’s enough to give you dating whiplash, and it’s hard to know which advice is the right to take - depending on what you want.
I think the same situation applies to men, too. Women can be especially brutal and confusing with what they want, depending on who the object of their affection is. If someone they aren’t interested in shows up on their doorstep with flowers, they can deem that person creepy. But if someone they are interested in does the same, it’s considered romantic.
End point: we’re all confusing. Damn.
Now, the title of this book Why Men Love Bitches first struck me because - finally - here was some advice that was super straightforward. Men love bitches. Be bitchy.
The title is sensationalized, however, and the true message of the book is much different than the front cover suggests.
This book reviews sums it up nicely:
Ultimately...you do you, live your life. Don’t acquiesce to a man’s whims off the bat and don’t really let anyone act like you are a “given” or something to be taken for granted. Respect yourself and your time and others will too. Stop focusing on the fact that he didn’t text you in 33.5 hours and focus on whether this person actually fits your needs.
There are some women who just naturally act bitchy. It comes very easily. But for the other girls - like myself - who tend to be pushovers and give unconditional love to everyone we meet, we need to get our bitch on. I'm serious.
This doesn't mean you should hit a guy in the face, cheat on him, or complain about the restaurant he took you out to. It's about focusing on yourself, and not whimsically planning a future in your journal with someone you met a week ago. It's about being a realist and not giving someone 27-50 benefits of the doubt.
Basically, it's about being Aiko.
Guys, I think I'm in love with Aiko. I'm serious! She taught me a lot.
I even started putting my "be Aiko, not Tiffany" theory to the test. I downloaded Tinder about a week ago (future blog post on that because I have stories) and would respond to guys without exclamation marks. A bit flirty and sarcastic. If they responded with a paragraph, I would respond with a sentence.
In return, they double texted. They asked me questions about myself. They sent walls of text that filled up my screen. I talked to probably 20 guys (normal guys - trust me, I'm picky) over the course of a week and found them all to be charming, engaging, and they all took more initiative than anyone I've interacted with on dating apps before.
The only thing that changed was that I used less exclamation marks, said less, and poked a bit of fun at them.
At any rate, whether this is a true theory or just a string of coincidences, I am shocked. And happy, and surprised.
And currently in the process of building a shrine to Aiko in my bedroom closet. (I'm a multi tasker, okay?)
I find it interesting that a lot of the advice given to women on how to act around men is the opposite of this. Did someone find out about the Aiko truth, and then take to marketing and advertising firms to spread the opposite message so the secret would be kept?
At any rate, this makes things so much easier.
In trying to get over a hard breakup last year, I saw a quote that said, “a breakup is the only game you win by giving up,” and it really helped me. I didn’t need to get over him. I just had to stop caring. Give up. Cease.
I think this idea of ‘being a bitch’ is pretty similar. Try less to impress him. Try more to have him impress you. Don’t think about him that much. Think about yourself more. In short - date this guy, but don’t forget to date yourself, too.
Anyway, that was a massively long blog post about HuniePop. Curious about Aiko’s voice after all of this? Check it out below.
So, what do you think? Not just about how amazing Aiko is (should I get a body pillow or something at this point?) but also about how Men Love Bitches? Do you agree? Disagree?
As always, let me know in the comments/contact page/Twitter/Instagram!
Off to buy that body pillow,