What To Do When Someone Calls You a Narcissist
Maybe it’s due to the rise of the selfie, or the current social media lifestyle we live in, but the term “narcissist” is being thrown around in 2019 like it’s never been thrown around before.
Although, I was born in 1993, so maybe it had a moment before the 90s when it was popular.
Actually, fuck that. I was born in 1993, so that’s when life itself began. The moment from my birthday until my last day is the only period of time that matters. There we go! I have to put on my narcissist Sunday Best for this post.
Chances are, you’re going to be called a narcissist at some point in your life. Don’t take it personally. It’s just going to happen, with the rate this word is being popularized.
You can’t control what people say to you, but you can control how you react.
Here are some things you can do and say when you’re called a narcissist.
1. Ask them “what else do you think about me?”
Smile wickedly when they call you a narcissist. Nod in agreement and stare into their eyes. Maybe even take a notepad out and start jotting down notes. Take out your phone and begin recording them.
Give a little sigh of pleasure with each insult they throw your way, and ask them dreamily, “so what else do you think of me?”
A true narcissist gets high off this supply. Might as well steer into the skid!
2. Blame your generation
It’s not your fault, lovely! You’re a millennial. Or maybe you’re Generation X. Hell, maybe you’re even a boomer and you’re just acting out because all of the news articles today focus on millennials and leave you behind.
Just blame the generation you grew up in. Your narcissism is a product of this! Have you ever met a millennial that isn’t a narcissist? Reference a few celebrities in your age bracket as an example of this. All celebrities are narcissists, it’s basically their job to be one. This will help reinforce your case.
3. Gift them something to prove them wrong. Have it be sunglasses.
Scoff at their judgement. Shake your head sadly and explain to them that you’re just simply not a narcissist. And to prove it to them, you want to give them a little gift - spend some time on them.
Head to the nearest store and buy them a pair of reflective, mirrored sunglasses. It’s on you! It’s just a little present for them, to show how much you care.
Once they wear the sunglasses, stare obsessively at yourself in the reflection. This has the added benefit of making conversation with them so much easier. It’s not nearly as tedious to listen to someone else speaking when you get to look at yourself!
4. Find a body of water to stare into
The minute this person calls you a narcissist, sprint away from them and find the nearest body of water. Run up to a water fountain, find a puddle, or head into a nearby dive bar and ask for a martini.
Once you’ve located this body of water, gaze into it. Refuse to stop gazing until your friend (although, I guess they’re now an enemy) leaves.
5. Ask for them to take your photo
Ignore what they said completely. Do not respond with words, sentences, or sounds of any kind.
Instead, silently hand them your phone with the Camera app open, and mouth “can you take my picture?”
Make sure to do a killer pose. But who am I kidding? Every pose you do is killer. You already know that.
6. Punch them
They already have a horrible impression of you, so why bother trying to clean it up? Sucker punch them right in the mouth, as they deserve! Nobody gets to call you a narcissist. NOBODY.
Also, if you punch them hard enough you might get the cops called on you, or a news story out of that! Imagine your name in print…doesn’t it look good? Maybe you’ll go viral on Twitter. God, it all sounds so great.
Why haven’t you punched them already? It’s a no-lose scenario.
I hope these tips help you! The next time Lauren sneers at you taking a selfie and calls you the narc-word, you now have 6 new ways to respond. Use them wisely.
Off to stare at myself in a mirror,