Effective and Relatively Unknown Ways to Stalk People on Social Media
This is the blog post I was born to write, and the one that will eventually kill me - due to humiliation. I’m about to reveal all of my tips and tricks on how to stalk people online, and baby, I’m good at this.
A lot of people think they’re good at stalking online. And to that, I say “take a seat you kindergarten-looking motherfucker because I’m about to blow your goddamn mind” but most of the time I actually just think that and instead say, “haha omg you’re so creepy, Jessica!”
But no, I’m the creep.
So without any further weird Manifestos about my insanity, let’s just get into it. I’m going to break down how to stalk best by social media platform.
I know, nobody really uses Facebook anymore. But the key word here is “anymore”. Everyone used to use Facebook, and because of that, a whole slew of content still exists on there.
Now, most people on Facebook usually have private profiles - meaning that you can see a few select posts, maybe a profile picture or two, and their cover photos. But that’s it.
Oh, baby, that’s all you need.
Once you’re on someone’s profile, Facebook gets a little wonky with their ‘privacy settings’.
The name of the person you’re creeping on will be in the Search Bar as you’re on their profile. Now, for these following next steps, you need to make sure their name stays there. Do not erase it! Something about that name in the search bar hyperlinks to their profile.
Place your cursor at the beginning of their name, for example: “John Smith” and write any of these:
“Photos of John Smith” for photos that he’s tagged in
“Photos by John Smith” for photos that he’s uploaded himself
“Posts by John Smith” for posts that he’s posted
“Posts of John Smith” for posts that he’s tagged in.
Important Note: This might not work on mobile! I’ve only ever done it on desktop.
I’m praying that Facebook never realizes that this privacy loophole exists because let me tell you it has allowed for some fantastic creeping over the years. I’ve stalked some people that have locked-down profiles and using this hack I’ve been able to see photos of them at breakfast, from a month ago, from years ago…you name it.
Also I’m considering saying that this blog post was guest written because I really sound like a mental patient in this one, don’t I?
Ah, Instagram. The new and improved Facebook that everyone is now using.
Now Instagram keeps it a bit more locked up because when people have private Instagram profiles, it’s for the most part private. So first we’re going to talk about what to do when creeping on a private profile, and next, what to do when creeping on a public one.
The first, and most obvious trick is to add this person from a fake Instagram profile (every girl has at least one, if she says she doesn’t then she’s lying).
But most people go about this in the wrong way. They add, for example, their ex-boyfriend, using their fake account that has 0 followers, 0 posts, and is following zero people, except for this ex-boyfriend.
Oh my god. You can’t do that!
So instead, I suggest always having a second account with like, food, or nature, or something like that. Then when you want to stalk, you take your account on private. You change the username to something your ex-boyfriend will accept. And you change the icon. And then you add him.
If your ex is really into archery, make your username archeryunited201, make the icon a photo of some…archery thing….and then add him. You’re on private, so he’ll just see the username and icon. But he’ll also see that you have a fair number of posts and followers, and be more likely to accept. The only problem is that now all your food/nature fans are going to be like “who is this archery guy I’m following?” but who cares, you only made that account to be creepy, anyway!
Another hack is to take their username, and plug it into Google. With the quotes around it, always with the quotes around it! (This means that Google has to search for that exact phrase, and not something similar to it).
You won’t be able to see any of their posts, but you will be able to see a few comments. If they commented on any public posts, those comments are available, and you’ll see them in the Meta Descriptions of the Google Results.
Granted, the comments will mostly be “That view is amazing!” and not the “This reminds me of my ex who I still miss and think about every day” comments that you’re looking for….
A great way to stalk a public profile’s Instagram story without them knowing that you’re viewing, is to view the story, and then block them after. You see what you need to see, and then once you block them, your username won’t show up anywhere to them. View without repercussion!
If you’re an Instagram 101 user, you should already know this one, but if you head over to your notifications section and press “Following” on the top left, you can see what the people you’re following are liking.
Two caveats to this one. First of all, if you’re following 50 or more people, it can be hard to find the person you want to. Maybe you’re just looking to check up on John, but the Meme Account you follow keeps liking posts, so you have to scroll for hours to see what John’s activity is.
The second caveat, is that you’ll only be able to see the Public Profile things they’re liking. If they liked a photo or commented on someone’s Private Profile, it won’t show up here.
Yet Another Tip
The next way to be creepy on Instagram is in the DM section. This will only work if you’ve DMed someone at least once before, so it’s only possible if you’re a half-creep, and creeping on someone that you have talked to before.
Unless they turn off this feature specifically, you’ll be able to see when they were last active online in this section here:
Your fling of the moment isn’t texting you back from an hour ago? Hmm…he was on Instagram 17 minutes ago, so he definitely is on his phone. Might as well freak out and obsess over it for the next hour! (See? My blog really does help people. I’m getting all misty.)
Now, apparently with a recent update this feature doesn’t exist. So all I can say to that, is don’t update Instagram. Keep this creepy feature at all costs.
Twitter isn’t where you’re going to find the most juicy things, but it’s still good for a stalk here and there.
The only real advice that I can give here is to use the ‘advanced search’ feature. There you can see what specific account tweeted certain phrases and such.
For example, let’s see what I’ve tweeted from my account about The Sims! (Yes, I love playing The Sims).
And, viola! We have our advanced search answer:
Also wow these tweets are super sad. I might start tweeting less honestly.
Ah, Google. Old faithful. New social media platforms will come and go, but no platform will ever measure up to Google when it comes to uncovering personal information.
I’m putting Google last, because you can use what you’ve found on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter to get the most out of Google stalking.
First, let’s start with the usernames. You obviously know what your target’s (hahaha good lord, what am I doing) username is on Instagram and Twitter. You can also find out on Facebook, by looking at the URL when you’re on their profile. Most people, a couple years back, made a unique URL when Facebook offered the option for a hot second.
See below how my username is “cougmac” in the URL?
So let’s say that you’re stalking a potential mate…named Seymour Butts (lol). His Instagram username is “seymoorbooty” his Twitter username is “cmor@ss” and his Facebook URL profile is “seymourfrankbutts”.
Type all of those usernames (and any more that you potentially find into Google with the quotes around them. Always with the quotes around them! This ‘locks’ your phrase into place, so Google will only search for that exact phrase.
From here, you can find their Pinterest account, their Snapchat, their VSCO, their blog, their Reddit account, their…gaming account. Travel account! Foursquare, Yelp accounts! You name is, Google is all over it.
People usually use the same usernames throughout time, so this one is really golden. Also, feel free to get creative with it. Is his email firstname.lastname@example.org? Well then try “seymourbutts324” into Google and see what comes up.
I promise that I’m normally not a creep in real life. It’s just that in a previous life I worked for the CIA and some of the skills haven’t left my present-life body. Also this post is guest-written and this isn’t Shannon…it’s someone else. Sharon wrote this.
Okay, that was a lot. I basically just bared my soul.
But what can I say? I have a certain set of skills and I want others to know how to best get some of that sweet, sweet information.
I am now going to head down to my local bar on the corner, order 3 glasses of champagne, and forget that I wrote this!
Even though I didn’t write this. Sharon did. She’s such a laugh, that one. Nothing like me at all!
To my fellow creeps, best of luck out there!