10 Female Cartoon Characters That Turned Us All On
A lot of people who don't understand gayness (looking at you - boomers and beyond) have questions about it. And one question that always seems to circle the affluent neighborhood block is about gayness being a phase.
"No 5 year old knows that they are gay!" I hear people saying adamantly.
Well actually, that's not true. People find out they're gay (or bisexual, or pansexual, etc) at really any time in life. It's a complicated journey of knowing things innately, pairing them with societal expectations, admitting things to yourself, and then finally knowing who you are and being confident enough to present it to the world.
I for sure knew that I wasn't completely straight as a child because my biggest, heart-throbiest crushes were on female cartoon characters. I adored them. I obsessed over them. I wanted to see them naked. It was basically true love.
I was deceased by Belle from Beauty and the Beast. I wanted to get her laid when I saw Ariel the mermaid. Sleeping Beauty made me want that sleeping booty. And other thoughts, that aren’t weirdly perverse towards Disney’s made-for-children characters.
Here are 10 cartoon characters that made me wonder if I was a 9 year old lesbian
1. Kim Possible
How could you not have a crush on Kim Possible? I adored her from a young age, young enough that my boobs hadn’t yet come in, and I always stared at her pointy jugs and wondered if sometimes they grew in like that. I found out (much later in life than my friends) that boobs actually grow in normal and round. The more you know!
Shego was the villain in Kim Possible, and every time her and Kim engaged in physical combat I would always look around and make sure no family member was close enough to see what I was watching. They were cartoon fighting - it wasn’t anything inappropriate. Except it was to me, a little repressed closeted freak who got weirdly excited every time Shego and Kim touched.
3. That hot blonde lady from The Incredibles
This bitch, right here. The smooth voice. The sleek hair. The insane figure that physically only a cartoon could possibly ever pull off. I was in love with her. She was mysterious, alluring, and had a lot of money. What more could a strangely horny 13 year old want?!?
4. Jasmine (in every outfit, but especially that red outfit)
A round of applause for the Disney princess that awakened 20% of our population sexually. I literally couldn’t string two sentences together about Jasmine’s personality, goals, dreams in life, or hobbies - but I know that she’s hot as shit and the reason I always got excited when Aladdin played on the bus TV during field trips.
5. The lady from Atlantis
That lady, the one with the super cool tribal markings that then turned out to be a goddess or something. I actually don’t even really know how Atlantic did end. I was too busy rubbing up on a couch pillow to pay attention to the plot.
6. The female water bender lady
Kiara, or something I think is her name? Katara? This one wasn’t so much a sexual crush than it was a friendship crush. She seemed super tight. She can bend water and she’s pretty. That’s all I need.
7. Megara from Hercules
Megara. Hot damn. Everyone was attracted to her. Hercules, his horse, his half-human half-pig little friend. And of course, me. I wanted to break down her emotional guards and have her love me, damnit!
8, 9, 10. Rikku, Yuna and Lulu
The three girls from Final Fantasy X were all fantastic girl crushes in so many different ways. Rikku, my favorite, was the blonde bubbly girl who got into mischief. Yuna was the beautiful, gentle soul who had magical abilities. And Lulu was just…she had boobs and at the age I was playing FFX, boobs were a new thing to me and I would just ogle at hers (in between quests).
Have I missed any? If there were any female cartoon characters that you lusted after (I mean…if it’s even possible for a kid to lust), let me know!
Off to watch cartoons,