9 Dogs on Instagram You Should Unfollow Immediately
I was partaking in marijuana and perusing the internet the other day when I came across an article title that read, “9 Dogs On Instagram You Should Unfollow Immediately”.
It turns out that I was just high, and the actual headline read “9 Dogs On Instagram You Should Follow Immediately”. But at any rate, it got me thinking.
Some of these Instagram famous dogs are probably big bitches. And I don’t mean that in the punny way where a female dog is a bitch. Let me rephrase.
Some of these Instagram famous dogs are probably douchebags.
We’ve started this new trend of cancelling celebrities for the politically incorrect or offensive things they say and do, and somehow we’re just letting all animals get a free pass? No more. Not so long as I blog.
I did some digging (okay, that one can be a pun) and found 9 dogs that you should definitely unfollow immediately, as they are problematic and dangerous.
Also keep in mind that I have not, in fact, done research, and the majority of this blog was written while I was partaking in marijuana yet again.
1. Doug the Pug
That’s right, I’m coming first for the king of the castle. Doug the Pug is arguably the most famous dog on the internet. You know who was the most famous singer? Michael Jackson. Most famous actor? Bill Cosby. So by by transitive property, I’m about 100% sure that Doug the Pug has molested…dogs, I guess?? It’s problematic, dangerous, and shows that your icons will always disappoint you - be they human, or be they dog.
Boo! Did I scare you? Probably not. You know what is scary, though? Boo the Pomeranian has embezzled millions of dollars from hard-working Americans, and unless you want their debt on your hands, you better pull out Instagram and defriend Boo right away. Super problematic.
This dog is pretty cute, so you wouldn’t know it by looking at him, but back in 2005 he tweeted the n-word. So go ahead and unfollow, and while you’re at it let’s get #marutheracist trending, shall we?
Marnie the Shih Tzu sounds a lot like Marnie the Shit-Zoo, doesn’t it? It’s not a coincidence. Back in 2012 Marnie went to the zoo, and poisoned animals food with laxatives. It turned into a Shit Zoo. Poo was everywhere, the zoo had to shut down for a week, and as a result 3 employees were laid off. Disgraceful! Unfollow Marnie!
Tuna is famous for his overbite that makes his front teeth stick out. You know what else sticks out? His penis, back in 2009 when he flashed a group of elementary school children. Tuna’s PR team did a lot of work to make this scandal go away, but an investigative journalist from the Ball Street Journal dug it up last May, which was exactly the date you should have unfollowed him!
Double trouble. Minnie and Max ran a train on an intoxicated sorority dog last year. Can dogs run a train? Can two of anything run a train? Maybe canines learned how to do this on Noah’s Ark, but at any rate, unlike and unsubscribe!
Terrorist. Need I say more? Unfollow him.
Freedom of speech is a wonderful thing, but unfortunately Mishka the Talking Husky likes to shout racial slurs and obscenities the second the Instagram Live stops streaming! Our off camera actions matter so I suggest you unfollow this pooch.
This dog is actually the mastermind behind Infowars.com, so if you don’t like Alex Jones, remove the glasses (sheep!) because who you’re really against is Corgnelius. Unfollow if you so desire.
I know I’m going to get a lot of hate for this one but the truth needs to be out there! You know how they say men are dogs? Well it turns out…dogs are dogs.
If you know of any other dogs to cancel, let me know please so I can unfollow! And if you’re any of these dog’s owners…I’m sorry for telling the world that your dog is a terrorist that ran a train. (Sorry for lying on the internet, I know I’m the first person to do it).
Unfollow and block!