What's the point of having a crush on someone?

About a year ago, I developed a crush on my improv teacher. A big crush. Monstrous.

It didn’t start out big. I mean, I’m naturally into anyone funny, so the first day of class, a small part of me went hmm…this guy is cute.

Then by the second class that same part of me went this guy is super cute…fuck that, he’s handsome. He’s handsome as hell and he’s funny. Very funny, in fact.

And then I had to go and dream about him.

Do you ever do that? You have a mild crush, then somehow you end up dreaming about them, and overnight, without your permission, your benign crush turns into something very serious.

This dream tipped me over the edge of interested into the realm of nervousness.

I would go to class, and purposely not look at him. He knows, I told myself, oh my god he definitely knows that you dreamt about him. And he was naked in your dream! He knows that too! He knew the second it happened, who are you kidding? There’s literally no chance he doesn’t know!

He stood next to me in a warm-up game and it was like I was 10 years old again, sitting next to a boy on the school bus. Super aware of how close to me he was, even though he was a foot away.

An entire foot away, but still…a foot closer, and we would have been touching.

I texted my sister that night.

“I have a big crush on my improv teacher”
”Do you flirt?”
“Oh my god no. I barely talk to him. I’m too nervous.”
“Invite him to the show we’re going to on Saturday! Get some 1:1 time”
“How?”
“Text him”
“I don’t have his number…like literally…I don’t talk to him”

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It can’t be normal to still have this habit deep into your twenties, but after thinking about it…I think I understand it.

Sometimes it’s great to have a crush on someone you never speak to. Someone in the office that you only make distant eye contact with, a neighbor that you only greet when you pass each other on the stairs.

Once you start to to talk to someone, everything about them becomes real.

You talk to your coworker and realize that he has bad breath, you strike up a conversation with your neighbor and find that you don’t like the pitch of his voice.

And then poof - your dream dies and the daydreams stop and it’s a bit less fun in the office and a bit less exciting when you go downstairs to get the mail.

And that’s all that we want crushes to be, right? A bit of excitement.

Something to add flavor to an otherwise boring environment, and then something to inevitably wreck us.

We find out that our crush has a girlfriend. Or he’s not interested. Or he simply has a voice pitch that we don’t find attractive.

And because it was just a crush it’s fun to spiral out for a bit about this.

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It’s never the crush themselves that we’re devastated about, it’s the possibilities.

When I had a crush on my improv teacher, I was struggling with something really complicated with someone older.

And my improv teacher was around the same age, but so fucking simple. If he was late for class, he came in and told us the god honest truth about why he was late. If he had a suggestion for our scene, he gave it to us kindly. I knew that he lived in Brooklyn, was single, and really into his dog.

And maybe it’s because my last complicated relationship involved lying, and hiding, and someone who lived in different places and lied about where he was living, and lied to me about having a fucking dog.

But I would see my improv teacher every week, and just sit in that chair and look at him and think, it doesn’t always have to be so complicated and so hard, does it?

The crush was a small, yet big, step forward for me. Because after we leave bad relationships, we think that there’s no one else out there in the world for us. It’s either our partner or nothing.

But suddenly, here was a cute improv teacher.

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The crushes we have usually serve to add a bit of excitement to our day, and also show us something that we’re subconsciously looking for.

You might make eyes at your coworker because he’s fantastic at his job, and you’re looking for someone ambitious. Maybe you have a crush on your neighbor because you smell incredible food from his apartment every night and you’re in the mood to get cuffed and stay in with someone.

Maybe you have a crush on someone hot because you’re horny as hell and that’s all there is to it.

It doesn’t have to be something groundbreaking, but I think crushes are always there for a reason.

Even if you never speak to them.

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And if anyone is interested in hearing what happened with me and my improv teacher, I’ll have you know that I ended up skipping one too many classes and I was kicked out of improv. They wouldn’t let me back in.

To my credit, the classes go from 7pm - 10pm, and I work from 9am - 5pm, so that’s way too fucking long to be ‘on’ for. That only gives me 1 hour of decompressing time!

So yeah, I guess my improv teacher didn’t go to bat for me to keep me in.

But whatever, he’s still funny and handsome and sometimes a guest star in my dreams (still).

So to anyone out there currently crushing, I wish you well! My advice is to never speak to them so you can extend your crush for as long as possible, but what do I know, I’m just a casual blogger looking to get some web traffic.

Ciao for now,
S