Outfits for when your weight fluctuates because isn't being a woman awesome?

If you're anything like me, your weight changes over the course of a month for god knows what reason. It could be related to your period, maybe to a certain salty day of eating, but sometimes for whatever reason, our bodies change in small ways that throw off our entire week.

It also doesn't help that we live in an age of social media, where you see people at their best angles, in their best looking moments, and to top it off - half of the photos you see are Facetuned. It does a lot more to the psyche than you would think.

Finally, after months of beating myself up about this, I decided to give in to it. I'm not going to be that person who says "I grew to love my bloated stomach before my period because it meant that I have the capacity to have a child within me" because that's horseshit - I horribly would much prefer to live a life without children if it meant I could be hot 24/7. Is that awful? Well, only God can judge me!

Instead, I have strategic outfits for how to best hide these tiny weight gains when it happens, and I find them so insanely helpful that I want to share it with the world - because let's be honest, sometimes being a woman is rough and it's nice to have support and tips out there.

1. A fit-and-flare dress with 3/4 or long sleeves

Screen Shot 2018-07-11 at 8.49.08 AM.png

If you see me in a dress like this, it's almost always a surefire way to know I'm pre-rag because this outfit is my go-to for when I put on a tiny bit of weight. The fit-and-flare style is great because it cuts off before your bloated pooch (haha oh god I can't believe I'm writing all of this on the internet) and hides it. Also, the longer sleeves help to give the illusion that everything is as slim as it was last week.

If you have a first date and it happened to line up with your weight gain (I bless you in your time of need) then this is the outfit to wear!

2. Long sweater (fuck off whoever decided to start making things "cropped") and dark jeans


Okay this photo isn't the greatest (ha wouldn't it be nice if we could show up places looking like this) so I'm going to describe what I mean. A good way to hide the weight is with very, very dark jeans (like midnight blue or black) and a sweater that, under whatever circumstance, goes below where your jeans start. I know I said it in the title, but once more because it's true: fuck anyone who can wear shirts that are cropped! I'll see something cute shopping online and then get it in the mail and it's cropped what the fuck I have a pooch. Also - good colors for the sweater are dark green, purple, blue...basically keep it dark.

3. Black tights and a jacket will save your life


It might not seem like much sense to wear dresses and skirts during your weight gain, but sometimes fitting into jeans that don't fit you is literally so exhausting that I prefer to ditch them altogether. The issue with wearing skirts is that usually, I feel like my calves are fat. So pretend you're that effortlessly cool girl who loves tights (in reality I hate them because no matter how expensive they are I get runs in them on the first day) and put them under your skirt. 

Feeling like your arms are fat? Put a light jacket over them, or wear a baggy short-sleeve shirt with the skirt. Either way, it will look like a "look" you know? You'll be able to get away with most tops with this combo.

4. Sheer top over tank top

Believe me that I mean this in a not provocative way, I don't know how else to describe it and obviously described it horribly because this is what Google supplied me with:

It's more of what the lady on the right is wearing. A sheer top or blouse with a tank top underneath is great because the tank top holds you in (hide that pooch!) and the outer top is loose, flowy and pretty which draws the eye there first. 

Definitely don't wear the outfit on the left when you've gained weight unless you're looking to cry, you know what I mean?

5. Wear wedges with your jeans


Sometimes I do say "fuck it all" and wear jeans and a band t-shirt. Just kidding. All of my t-shirts are either from cross country or have vegan messages on them but I think jeans and a band t-shirt is a cool look so I'm putting it in here.

The trick to wearing jeans pre-period is that you need to have some semblance of a heel underneath it so you look your regular weight. Wedges, kitten heels, boots, even Doc Martins could work for this. It makes your legs look longer, skinnier, and it takes the overall coolness of your outfit up a good notch in the process. 

The most important thing to remember in this time, though, is to keep a cool head about the situation. Period weight is actually pretty similar to period emotions - they come and they go. There's no use holding on to or stressing about the situation because it's just a wave (a red wave...haha) that will come over you and then leave. Life is life. This paragraph makes me want to smoke a joint.

It also helps to guzzle water during this period, and stay away from salty things! I learned a lot during my nose job recovery (now there's a future post) about which foods make you retain water and all I can say is: stay away from Panda Express and Chipotle. It tastes good but it's not worth it for the water retention. 

Oh, and also, if you're going to vent to someone about your weight - make sure it's a girlfriend! I love my boyfriend to death but it's so much easier to talk about problems like this with people who understand and sometimes just nod and say "no, I've gained the most weight this week!". Sometimes we just want to wallow and that's totally okay.

Putting on wedges,