I'll judge if you were cool in middle school

Literally, everyone says they weren't cool in middle school. Pretty girls, finance guys, celebrities, I mean everyone says that they weren't "the cool kid" in school. I have only heard from ONE person, in my entire life, that admitted to being cool in middle school.

I failed the only statistics class I've taken, but I think I know enough to know that this doesn't make sense. I had a group of about 10-20 cool kids in my middle school. Multiply that by like...other middle schools...(maybe like, thousands in the country?) and I think if my statistics class taught me right that's a big number. 
Thousands of cool kids in middle school, and yet nobody claims this title! We know you're out there! Probably wearing sunglasses and having perfect skin and looking good!

Well, you just might not be aware that you were a cool kid in middle school. So let me provide you with some criteria so you can see if you truly were, in fact, a cool kid.

1. Your handwriting. Particularly how you spell "a".

This is the first telling sign if you were cool in middle school. Write the letter "a" and make sure it's lowercase. How does it look? 

If you have the curved line on top - you were a cool kid in middle school. If you spelled it like me, as basically an "o" with a little line to the right of it, you weren't cool in middle school. SORRY, LOSER! 

I spent hours trying to get my a's to do this

I spent hours trying to get my a's to do this

I can't even explain it myself, it's like a certain GENE that cool people just possess. They all write this way.

Maybe it's because cool kids gave handjobs at an early age, and thus, their handwriting improved to curve like this. Maybe it's because cool kids had so many friends to text that their fingers were stronger, and thus about to make that rounded top. I have no idea. All I know is that I didn't text much and found out what a handjob was literally in college

Now, there is a disclaimer. This is cool if you're a girl. Popular boys could write however they wanted. There really is no criteria for popular guys because popular guys at my school ranged from gorgeous and athletic to like...literally so gross I guess they were just rich??? Like some of them were dumb and gross looking so idk how they got into the popular crowd but they were there at any rate.

2. Your Abercrombie origins

We all wore Abercrombie at my school. I went to a public school so technically there wasn't a dress code but social norm existed and it said: ABERCROMBIE, BITCH!

The way to tell if you were cool is where you got your Abercrombie from. Mine only ever came from hand-me-downs via my sister or others girls in the neighborhood: a la, not cool.

But if your Abercrombie (or Hollister) clothes were straight from the store...hot damn. You were absolutely cool. Also you must have had a cool mom in addition to being cool in school, because lord knows every time my mother stepped into Abercrombie it was "it's too dark!" this and "why does that guy have his pants off in the advertisement and he's kissing girls?" that.

3. You never practiced kissing on a pillow

I'm about to get a bit vulnerable here because I'm going to admit that yes, I have practiced kissing on a pillow. Also my shower wall, and also my hand. 

But jokes on you because all that practicing paid off and I'm literally the best kisser in the world just ask any of the guys who have broken up with me!

Cool kids didn't need to practice kissing (or make their Sims do it while they watched curiously) because they actually did it themselves. Uncool kids took a lot longer to talk to members of the opposite sex and to fill the time we practiced kissing (and yes, sometimes humping) random things so we felt like we were 'caught up' on the same timeline as everyone else. 

4. Your yearbook had 20+ signatures

If you were an uncool kid like me, you know the feeling. It's about to be summer, you're relatively amped (not too amped though because us uncool kids had strict parents, so even though it was summer we still couldn't have sleepovers or do crazy fun stuff) and today is the day for yearbook signing. You have like 6 friends, but not dozens, and as the day goes on your yearbook is a bit emptier than others kids are. So you ask your friend to sign an ENTIRE page, maybe draw a doodle here or there to fill up space so it doesn't look bare, and oh my god why am I crying in the club right now?

Point being, if you never had to worry about filling up space in your yearbook, you were a certified cool kid.

5. You were in chorus, not in band

This has always baffled me. Two things that are so similar, but different in one small way, can be perceived so differently. 

The male peacock, the female peacock. The smell of eggs for breakfast, the smell of eggs in a fart. Boobs on a girl, boobs on a guy. You get the message. 

Kids in band were always uncool (yes, I played alto saxophone) but the cool girls were always in chorus. So similar. Music, a beautiful gift, a song for the people! But in band we all have acne and wet dreams and in chorus they all have clear skin and they're featured in our wet dreams. So close, and yet so far.

I'll just never understand it. 


Of course there more classic ways to tell if you were popular in high school.

- Are you working at McDonalds right now?

Haha, I kid. I'm damn envious of cool kids man, I always will be! You seemed to have things figured out at a time where the majority of us have no clue what's going on: socially, sexually, I mean you name it.

While I don't regret my time as an uncool kid in school, I have to admit it definitely leaves you stunted in certain ways for certain periods. Social circles don't go away, they just come to the workplace and real world with you, and they never get easier to navigate. 

But it's nice to know that the realm of 'uncoolness' can sometimes be cool. Every time I see a celebrity or hot girl talk about how they were sooo unpopular in high school, I wonder why they want to link their name to that title. It must mean there's something in that group they want. Or, maybe it means that Taylor Swift also wore Abercrombie hand-me-downs and kissed her pillows growing up. Maybe we're so much more alike than I thought. 

You belong with me (in the Sims),
S